I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
