Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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