You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
