Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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