we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
