you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
