I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My Sexting was not on an AP level
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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