Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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