You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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