dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
3pm strippers are depressing
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
