Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
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I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
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Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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