Welp...herpes.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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