3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize