He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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