i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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