The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
