apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
