but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
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She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
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I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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