planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
