i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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