So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Less talking, more tequila
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
