Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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