She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
