I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
