I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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