proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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