I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
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