I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
