I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
