dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
