16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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