Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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