he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
