it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
