i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
