You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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