there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
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