Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
