I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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