I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
