I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
