the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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