I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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