i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
