Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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