I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
