i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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