I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
