My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize