but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
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HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
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Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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