Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
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She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
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He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
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