Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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