no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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