Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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