I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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