I just made out with a guy for $7.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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