I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
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Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
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My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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