we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My pussy is not your playground.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
