i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
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