I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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