Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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