he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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