I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
