I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
