She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
