I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
