i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
