Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
