If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
This is my gift to your gina
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
