8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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