I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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