do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
