1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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