Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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