this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
