im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
