he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
your like the ambassador to my penis.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
