I CAN MOONWALK!
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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