nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
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My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
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You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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