she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
