I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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