Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
