I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
If I had your ass I would rule the world
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
