I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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