She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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