I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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