I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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