I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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