So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
