White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
